Can you dance without a partner? Well, technically yes. I have small kids who do this often, normally, when they hear they are about to get ice cream or when they listen to music they enjoy. However, not all dancing is meant be danced without a partner. Tango, for example—a dance of Latin-American origin—was created to be danced with someone else. Hence, the colloquialism: “it takes two to tango.” By its very definition, Tango is a partner dance.
Let’s use this illustration to talk a little bit about marriage. Over the last few months I have had the privilege of getting involved in doing some marriage counseling. Marriage is a great gift from God and aside from our relationship with Jesus, the marriage relationship is the most important human relationship you will ever have. However, marriage is made up of imperfect sinful individuals who are in great need of grace, patience, and forgiveness. Aside from these key elements, your marriage is not going to thrive. Moreover, the things I’ve been able to learn and teach other couples in counseling have pushed me to answer the question I’m posing on this blog with a “no.” When it comes to marriage, it doesn’t take two to tango. Let me make two quick comments on my answer.
1) It, actually, takes three to tango: The first marriage that ever existed was (for a time) a perfect marriage. While we could spend a lot of time talking about what all this means, I want to bring attention to one simple reality: Adam and Eve had a harmonious and loving relationship with one another AND with God. Now, let me be extra clear on this point, God did not create Eve for Adam because God wanted to drop out of the picture or for Eve to become Adam’s new priority. No, God fully expected them both to keep Him at the forefront of their relationship not only as individuals but also as a couple. In other words, as we think of marriage we can say that by its very definition, it consists of a loving and harmonious relationship between a husband, a wife, and their Creator.
Now, some of you might be thinking: “Hold up Pastor Miguel, I know of couples who aren’t even Christian and who have been married for over 30 years!” Well, there is an explanation for that: the doctrine of common grace. This is the doctrine in Scripture that teaches that unregenerate men and women are able to do certain things even when they are evil by nature (Matt. 7:11). A man is able to become a skillful artist or musician, a renowned mathematician or doctor, and he can even live with the same woman for 30 years while rejecting the God who made him and revealed Himself to him (Rom. 1:18–20). However, this man would not be able to do either of those things apart from God’s grace (Matt. 5:45) and 30 years of marriage to the same spouse without God in the picture is not what God intended. It takes three to tango.
2) Two of these three need to be a male and a female: With Pride Month right around the corner, it is important for Christians to not shrink back from defining God’s good gift of marriage the way He defined it. Jesus said:
“‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:4–6, NIV).
The passage is rather straight forward but here’s this statement, just in case: marriage by its very definition consists of harmonious and loving relationship between a male, a female, and their Creator. Through the month of June, many in the Western culture will unashamedly proclaim how proud they are of a particular belief system and lifestyle in which they have grounded their identity. The Christian, however—whose identity is found in Christ—has the only legitimate reason to be proud: “But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world” (Gal. 6:14). Pride is a sin that has only one exception: pride in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.
This Lord gave us the good gift of marriage and He defined it and described it for us so that we can be sure that our marriages are pleasing to Him. However, it does not stop there, this Lord also suffered and died on a cross in order to redeem and transform people whose loves and affections have been affected by sin so that they too are able to have marriages they never thought they could (1 Cor. 6:9–11). This Lord and this cross are things to be proud of.
As you consider your own marriage, I want to invite you to consider two events that will, undoubtedly, challenge and help your marriage. Pastor Mark and his wife Gerri will be teaching “The Art of Marriage” on Wednesday nights from June 22nd through August 24th. The Johnson’s are celebrating their 45th anniversary in June, so you can count on this being an excellent class to take. Sign up for the class here. Another event for you to consider is “A Weekend to Remember.” This is a wonderful marriage retreat filled with great speakers and lots of fun. The next closest one will take place at Hershey, PA on February 10, 2023. If this event interests you, please contact me at miguel@ibcw.org or Peter Allphin Sr. at peteralf@comcast.net.
